Picking Up The Pieces
by kili-kittencat
Summary: To most people, Ichimaru Gin is an enigma. A mystery of a man with a some what mischievous air about him; and a grinning, slit-eyed mask permanently plastered to his face like a second skin. I've seen him at his best and his worst; and yet in spite of this, I feel as though I barely know him.


I'M BACK FROM MY HIATUS PEOPLE! Let's have a party with cake and silly hats!

This is my first time writing anything for the Bleach fandom as I've had massive writers' block the size of a hippo on steroids, so please be nice and review and stuff!

**Rating:** T for implied sex, violence and sexual violence

**Characters/pairings:** Aizen x Gin established relationship, Gin x Kira, eventual Hisagi x Kira, Hinamori, Tousen, Renji

**THIS IS YAOI**, and if anyone is averse to such things, I suggest you don't read it.

For the most part this isn't a happy story, so you've been warned.

Bleach belongs to Tite Kubo, I own nothing. *cries all emo-like*

**PICKING UP THE PIECES**

To most people, Ichimaru Gin is an enigma. A mystery of a man with a some what mischievous air about him; and a grinning, slit-eyed mask permanently plastered to his face like a second skin. I've seen him at his best, in the heat of battle, slicing through monstrous hollows as if they were made of butter; and at his worst, bloodied, hurt and broken, like tonight. And yet in spite of this, I feel as though I barely know him.

It's times like this though, when we're alone, when he finally lets the mask slip. It started out as an occasional thing, my taicho would arrive back at the Squad 3 barracks about once a month in the early hours of the morning, with his hakama dishevelled and his lips bruised and swollen. Nowadays it's pretty much every night. Sometimes, like tonight, he's limping so badly he can barely walk, and I have to half-carry him to the bath to clean him up.

This time, he's been messed up pretty badly. Blood is caked down his thighs, and his porcelain skin is littered with bite marks. Rope burns mar both his thin wrists, and I'm once again reminded how violent and sadistic the seemingly genteel and well-mannered Squad 5 captain can be.

I sponge off the worst of the blood, and expertly cast a healing kidou to take care of the bites and the pain. While I work, he watches me silently with an unreadable expression, normally closed eyes open a fraction to reveal slivers of pale blue. At times like this, it's really quite shocking how vulnerable and fragile he looks without the mask.

"Yer a good boy, Izuru-chan," he says finally, in a strained voice. "Thanks for lookin' after yer ol' taicho."

"Why do you let him do this to you?" I blurt out suddenly, then clap a hand over my mouth. It isn't my place to pry into his business.

"I love Aizen-sama, I really do," he says earnestly. "He jus' likes ta be a bit rough with me."

'A bit rough' is an understatement, but I don't press the matter. Slinging an arm around his back, I half-support and half-carry him into the bedroom, and we both collapse down onto the bed, too exhausted to even get under the covers.

"Night, taicho," I murmur, suppressing a yawn.

"Night, Izuru-chan," he whispers sleepily, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

x

I love him.

When did this happen? I mean, I've always cared about him, he is my captain after all. Somehow our relationship has progressed from master-and-subordinate to… something else. His night-time trysts with Aizen are still ongoing, and for the life of me I don't understand what he sees in the man. All I know is that I've fallen hard, and each secret kiss and embrace we share only serves to make me fall harder.

It's a beautiful day. Taicho's thin lanky body is stretched out on the grass beside mine as we catch our breath under the shade of a tree, after training with the squad. Each time he compliments my technique, or says I've got stronger, it makes me feel all warm and happy inside.

"Hey, Izuru-chan? I made this for ya!" With a wide, silly grin, he loops a long daisy chain around my neck. The white petals of the childish gift stand out against my long golden-yellow hair. "Ya look so cute," he says, admiring his handiwork and kissing me on the cheek.

"And I made this for you, taicho," I say, delicately placing a crown of buttercups on his head and leaning in for another kiss. The yellow flowers are like drops of sunlight caught in his silver-white hair.

Silver and gold.

Our colours.

x

"Snap Tobiume!"

Blinded by grief and rage, Hinamori draws her zanpakuto and charges at my captain. Before she has closed the distance, I block her sword with my Wabisuke.

I would do anything for this man. Even fight my best friend.

x

The cell they lock me in is chilly and uncomfortable, and definitely no more than I deserve. I'm despicable. I attacked Hinamori. Aizen's apparent death and the events leading up to it had unhinged her, anyone with half a mind could see that. There's no way she would have been able to kill my captain, and yet I raised my sword to an ill, grieving girl. Hot tears of shame prick at my eyes, and trickle down my cheeks, freezing in the night air.

"Izuru!"

I look up, and see, to my astonishment, the figure of my captain silhouetted like a guardian angel in the door to my cell. I follow him out into the night, shivering slightly.

The sky is black and cloudless, like a vast sea overhead, dotted with tiny stars. The gibbous moon sails across the sky like a huge silver galleon, and cicadas chirp soft melodies in the grass around us. It's a beautiful night, the kind you read about in storybooks as a kid. Suddenly, my heart speeds up with the desire for adventure. He'd come to rescue me, and we were going to run away together! It's everything I've been dreaming of, and yet, something seems… off. He hasn't spoken a single word to me since he got me out of there, and I have to run to keep up with his long strides as he walks down the path to…

"Taicho, where are we going?" I ask tentatively.

"Call me Gin," he interrupts.

"Gin, where…"

"I'm sorry, Izuru," he whispers, turning to face me. Honest and unsmiling, his blue eyes are wide, and it's plain to see he really means it. "Don't forget me, will ya?" Slowly and gently, as though afraid I might break, he leans down and kisses me for the last time. Then he's gone, leaving me clutching hopelessly at the night air where he stood seconds before. My knees buckle and I fall face down on the grass, tears mingling with the dew, alone under the stars.

x

It's all over. Taichou… no, not anymore, Gin, has deserted Soul Society along with Aizen and Tousen, and ascended to Hueco Mundo. If we ever meet again, it will be as enemies on the battlefield, in a fight to the death. I take another gulp of sake, choking back a sob. I loved Gin, and I'm pretty sure he loved me too. He just loved Aizen more. He chose the evil, manipulative bastard over me.

Abarai-kun pours me another cup of the liquor, and I throw it down my gullet without hesitation. Another, and it misses my mouth, splashing down my hakama. I'm pretty trashed by now, and the grief is beginning to fade into the incoherent haze of drunkenness. The tavern swims before my eyes and I lose my balance, pitching backwards off my chair.

A pair of arms catch me as I fall, resolutely sturdy in contrast to my blurred surroundings and churning stomach, and I look up into the concerned face of Hisagi Shuuhei. He looks pale and tired, and his eyes are circled by dark grey rings. Tousen-taicho's betrayal must be hitting him pretty hard too.

"Let's get you home, Kira-kun," he says softly, picking me up as easily as if I were a child. I close my eyes and allow myself to be carried, nuzzling sleepily into his warm shoulder.

Brave, strong Hisagi, who I've always admired since my academy days. Kind, generous Hisagi, who has always been a friend to me when I needed it.

He puts me down outside the quarters that, in Gin's absence, now belong to me.

"Night, Kira-kun," he says, with a little happy-sad smile.

"Night, Hisagi-sempai," I reply, clumsily kissing him on the cheek.

x

Time passes. First weeks, then months, and the leaves on the persimmon trees that my captain used to love begin to shrivel away and die. Winter is fast approaching, and with it comes the threat of battle. Tension is mounting amongst the Gotei-3 as we all strive to become stronger and more powerful than ever before. We'll need it if we want to defeat Aizen and his Arrancar army.

I've given up on expecting Gin to return. If he still loves me, he's had plenty of opportunity to come back for me before now. Surprisingly, it doesn't bother me that much anymore. As soon as he aligned himself with the enemy, it was my duty to fight him. Hinamori isn't doing nearly as well, she still refuses point-blank that Aizen is anything less than innocent, even though he nearly killed her before he left. Poor girl.

A pair of strong arms encircle my waist as I stand there in front of the window, looking out at the still-dark morning sky. I lean back into Hisagi's warm, comfortable embrace.

"What's wrong, Izuru?" he asks after a while.

"I'm just thinking," I reply evasively.

"About the war?" he asks knowingly.

"That's right." I pause for a minute. "I don't know what I'd do if you died and left me as well." He smiles broadly, and I'm shocked that he finds such a morbid topic amusing.

"Silly Izuru, I'm not going to die," he laughs, hugging me tightly.

"You promise?" I ask childishly.

"I promise. Everything will work out all right, just you wait."

Smiling, I wrap my arms around his neck and bring our lips together. We kiss deeply, and it's all the proof I need that he'll keep his promise. We break apart minutes later, still smiling.

"You better not die," I say threateningly, poking him in the chest.

"Or what?" he asks in mock fear.

"Or I might have to punish you." I say, dead serious. We look into each other's eyes for a moment, neither blinking, then burst out laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of the situation.

"You're a silly goose sometimes, but I love you anyway," he says, entwining our fingers.

"I love you too," I reply, leaning my head on his shoulder. We stand like that for a while, as the first rays of sunlight begin to spread across the horizon.

When you've had your heart broken, it's like there's a gaping wound in your chest. Every step you take is agony, and you just don't want to keep going without the person you love. But sometimes, someone special will be there for you, to help you pick up the pieces and put them back together again. I was there for Gin, and now Hisagi is there for me. And maybe, just maybe, you'll realise that even more precious than the one you lost, is the one who's been at your side all along.

Everything's going to be alright.

x

**OMAKE!**

**Gin: Imma run away and have buttsex with Aizen-sama!**

**Kira: Taicho… :'(**

**Hisagi: Don't worry Izuru, I haz whipped cream and chocolate syrup!**

**Kira: Wow Hisagi-sempai, I didn't realise you were so kinky!**

***commence naughty activities***

**Byakuya.: *blush* Ah… I hardly think such behaviour is appropriate, Kira-kun, Hisagi-kun.**

**Yachiru: BYAKUSHI! Why is there blood coming out of your nose?**


End file.
